But does he use Premiere Pro or Final Cut Pro?

Apparently the president of the United States posted a doctored Wrestlemania video showing him body-slamming and punching a guy whose head was replaced with the CNN logo. Predictable reactions include the observation that the man has utterly lost it, is deranged, unhinged, a pitiable nut job, and that encouraging violence against journalists is the sign of a tinpot dictator, every bit as un-American as burning the flag or crapping on the Constitution. I have both reactions, plus sheer baffled wonderment: He has time for this? Presumably some lackey did the actual video editing, but POTUS had to come up with the idea, describe the wrestling video to be fetched from the archives and what he wanted done to it, and approve and post the results. He had nothing better to do. With his own actions, he makes himself a goddamn poster boy for the 25th Amendment.

Update: Mock Paper Scissors reports the origin of the video (outside the White House) and the definitive comment thereon, from Steve M. of No More Mr. Nice Blog: “Leader of Free World Tweets Video Posted by Reddit User HanAssholeSolo.” Can we get a lawsuit from Lucasfilm?

Of windfalls and watches

The Wells Fargo wagon is a-comin’ down the street. Or at least I got an email from Wells Fargo telling me a statement was available online, which intrigued me because I had no recollection of having any accounts with the repentant fraudsters (a credit card and our mortgage from our former life in Connecticut both being defunct). Turns out I have a SEP IRA with the bank which I’d forgotten about, which is not enough to retire on but is enough to buy the cream-colored retro Shinola Guardian watch I’ve been lusting after. All I have to do is wait till age 70½ and it’s all mine, and maybe even the yellow Pontiac Aztek of my dreams too.

Rehearsing my lines

My wife asked one day last week what I’d say if I actually met Resident Evil. Fortunately I am always prepared for this extremely unlikely eventuality–during the Dubya years, it was going to be just, “Mr. President. I hope you and the First Lady are well,” while refusing to shake his hand, but now it would have to be something special. Not shaking his hand, of course, is a given, unless I could spit in my hand first, but for the words I can’t do better than “Mr. President, please resign,” and hope he asked why: “Because you’re weak, corrupt, a Russian puppet, a disgusting human being, and you lie with every breath.” He wouldn’t ask, of course. I’d have to settle for spitting.

The big picture

Spring training is underway! Time to sing along with a jingle of the day from the early ’70s, I think, about the Motorola TV set whose “works in a drawer” design let you pull out a panel in its giant cabinet to access some of the circuitry. To the tune of “Take Me Out to the Ball Game”:

Watch your game on the sports set —
Quasar Color TV!
Insta-Matic tuning and Solid State
Are two of the features that make it so great!
Then you add one-button modules
To the Works-in-a-Drawer TV
And it’s one, two, three big ideas
In Quasar Color TV!


My grandmother had an even bigger Quasar with an elaborately carved Drexel cabinet on both sides of the picture tube. You didn’t mount a TV on the wall in those days; it rivaled the couch as your largest piece of furniture.

It’s more than Miss Universe Moscow

From Balloon Juice:

A guy neck deep in Trump’s shadiest finance deals suddenly hands ‘peace plan’ to Trump’s lawyer with apparent aim of toppling Ukraine’s govt? The ‘plan’ was to remove Poroshenko, let Putin keep Crimea in perpetuity and lift all sanctions.

But — but Vladi’s My Daddy tweeted I HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH RUSSIA – NO DEALS, NO LOANS, NO NOTHING! Yeah, that’s right. Except those his son was thinking of in 2008 when he said, “Russians make up a pretty disproportionate section of a lot of our assets. We see a lot of money pouring in from Russia.”

Oh no, my precious

I’ve been doing it for 35 years and I can tell you it’s not difficult to keep a personal computer up and running smoothly. For Windows, you just follow three simple steps:

  1. Install a top-rated anti-virus and anti-malware suite before you do anything else, and never click on anything you can’t personally vouch for.
  2. Backup your brains out. All drives — hard drives, solid-state drives, thumb drives — will fail; keep two if not three copies of everything valuable.
  3. Wipe and reinstall everything to give your PC a fresh start every six months.

I broke Rule #2 — ironically, all the files from my PC were backed up on my USB flash drive, my inch-long life, my everything, but not all the files on the flash drive existed on the PC. So when my magic key started throwing errors and “Windows cannot repair the drive” messages last night, there was nothing for me to do but wail.

Now I have to do Step #3, which sometimes I find a pleasant, tidying pastime in a Martha Stewart way, but I can’t spare the day it takes to do it. Back in the days of floppy disks and Disk Operating Systems (pronounced “doss”), I used to sing about it:

The light came on and the disk spun
I fought the DOS and the DOS won
I looked for my files and found none
I fought the DOS and the DOS won

Shooting the messenger

Yesterday Pajiba pointed out that one of the reporters who best covered Feckless Leader’s reeling, rude, racist press conference — pointing out Vladi’s My Daddy’s many lies, urging honesty re Russia, and generally expressing all right-minded people’s dismay at having an unhinged lout living in the White House — was none other than Fox News’ Shepard Smith. Today, of course, we learn that loyal Fox viewers are, as the Weekly World News’ Ed Anger used to say, pig-biting mad and calling for Smith’s head. It’s not that (h/t Balloon Juice) Dolt 45 could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody without losing his diehard 30 percent supporters; it’s that he could sit in the Situation Room and press a button.