I have never needed one (quite the opposite), but if you’re trying to sell a sleeping aid, you need a soothing voice. That’s why our jingle of the day is the soporific, calming, crooning couplet that was all over TV in the ’60s and ’70s:
Take Sominex tonight and sleep,
Safe and restful sleep, sleep, sleep …
I actually preferred the bouncier, more upbeat line of a rival product,
Nytol will help you get your Z’s!
–during which the two tablets posed in front of the bottle would do a quarter-turn, so the N’s etched into the pills would turn to Z’s.
My problem, as I said, is not falling asleep but waking up, my attitude toward which matches the matchless Nero Wolfe’s sidekick Archie Goodwin’s:
I would appreciate it if they would call a halt on all their devoted efforts to find a way to abolish war or eliminate disease or run trains with atoms or extend the span of human life to a couple of centuries, and everybody concentrate for a while on how to wake me up in the morning without my resenting it. It may be that a bevy of beautiful maidens in pure silk yellow very sheer gowns, barefooted, singing ‘Oh, What a Beautiful Morning’ and scattering rose petals over me would do the trick, but I’d have to try it.