They really are the Know-Nothings

Aren’t Americans supposed to aspire to higher education for their children? Both Driftglass and No More Mister Nice Blog weigh in on the new Pew survey that reveals Republican voters hate colleges and universities, as well as the news media, while favoring Wall Street bankers over labor unions. I like the latter blog’s “This is why I don’t hold out much hope for attempts to Springsteen-ize the Democratic Party,” as Berniesque candidates are

…going to talk about haves vs. have-nots, and Republican voters prefer the haves. Republicans do hate rich people if they’re from Hollywood, but generally speaking, the GOP electorate thinks a typical college professor is more of an elitist than a financial-industry muckamuck who makes a thousand times as much money per year.

Proud, malignant ignorance. That’s all they have to offer.

The product placement all-time champion

If we’re going to resuscitate this blog’s jingle of the day feature, we should do it with the only company to place not one but two jingles into the legendary hall of fame. Cue the lonely, depressed kid singing:

Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Mayer wiener
That is what I’d truly love to be
For if I were an Oscar Mayer wiener
Everyone would be in love with me

Now switch to the little girl:

My bologna has a first name
It’s O-S-C-A-R
My bologna has a second name
It’s M-A-Y-E-R
Oh, I love to eat it every day
And if you ask me why I’ll say
‘Cause Oscar Mayer has a way with B-O-L-O-G-N-A

And how about the iconic Wienermobile, cruising America’s highways and byways since 1936? I just tried to think of the nation’s #2 hot dog maker and couldn’t. Case closed!

Update: Blog closed, enjoying dinner, I just thought of the nation’s #2 hot dog maker. Even if the references to fat and sissy kids would never be allowed nowadays.

Hot dogs, Armour hot dogs
What kind of kids eat Armour hot dogs?
Fat kids, skinny kids, kids who climb on rocks
Tough kids, sissy kids, even kids with chicken pox
Love hot dogs, Armour hot dogs
The dog kids love to bite!

A diet rich in nitrates and nitrites contributes to a rich memory for jingles.

No longer leader of the free world

I forget the name of the fatuous attorney on “Ally McBeal” who, whenever office conflict arose or people were absolutely furious about something, would pat the air and say over and over, “Bygones, people! Bygones!”, refusing to allow any discussion or expression of feeling or discussion of consequences. It’s clear, however, that that’s all Team Trump’s been doing since their hero, we’re told, made the briefest, most apologetic, hate-to-raise-the-subject mention of Russian meddling in our election in his meeting with Putin, instantly accepting Vladi’s claim of innocence and getting back to the job of impugning our own intelligence agencies on Twitter.

Meanwhile, the Times reports that Donald Trump, Jr., was offered damaging information about Hillary Clinton as part of an invitation to a June 2016 meeting with a Kremlin-connected Russian lawyer, which he, Jared Kushner, and campaign chairman Paul Manafort immediately accepted. Stand by your puppet, Trump fans.

Cue Russians sharing vodka toasts and laughing their asses off

So Vladi’s My Daddy will meet with his man-crush today and proceed to be played like a violin. A little transparent flattery here, a little “you’re right, bold leader, keep standing up to the haters” there, and does anyone seriously doubt that Trump will not give Putin exactly what he wants, and anything he wants? Photographers will not be present only to avoid the images of our president lying on his back kicking his leg while Putin rubs his stomach. Digby has a quote:

“Trump is just about a sociopathic narcissist,” said Glenn Carle, a retired CIA interrogator and analyst. “That’s not to denounce him, just an assessment of the guy….”

Um, I would think that’s cause to denounce him, but what do I know?

Electrifying

Volvo has announced that, starting in 2019, every car it introduces will be either a gas-electric hybrid or fully electric. It’s not an earth-shaking move on the Chinese-owned company’s part–Volvo’s market share is so tiny, it might as well announce that all its cars will have LED headlights shaped like Thor’s hammer–but Volvo is my wife’s fantasy car, and now syncs with my three current fantasy cars. The Chevy Bolt is a $38,000 electric with a range of 238 miles. In the win-the-lottery department, the Acura NSX is a $158,000 supercar hybrid.

Zelectric Motors VW

And in sunny California, a company called Zelectric Motors converts mint-condition ’50s and ’60s VW Beetles into stoplight-drag-race-winning electrics, albeit short-range ones (there’s a Karmann Ghia on their site that’s to die for).

They really are the scum of the earth

Balloon Juice points out that Republicans’ idea on health care–destroy it, remove it, and give the money saved to billionaires–is so awful, so indefensible, so downright evil that they’re reduced to whining, “So where’s your plan, huh?” when a Democrat like Hillary Clinton criticizes them. Within minutes, H-Rod replies with a link, “Right here. Includes radical provisions like how not to kick 23 mil ppl off their coverage. Feel free to run w/it.” Donald Trump is such a horrifying distraction that we must never forget what we’re truly up against: the spawn of Mammon and Sauron.

Trying to imagine the inspiring Trump museum in 50 years

Happy birthday, U.S.A.! Celebrated by visiting one of the original 14 copies of the Declaration of Independence at the state archives (one for each of the new states and one for Congress, printed by a woman in Baltimore in 1777) and the inspiring JFK Museum nearby. Bloomberg TV has the Boston Pops and guests concert and fireworks tonight. And 44 states have refused to comply with Trump’s voter suppression info request. If Mitch McConnell were covered with fire ants I could almost feel positive.

Me and the Mole Man

Which fictional character has the highest star quotient? Which demanding role is suited only for acting royalty? Hamlet? Portia? Elizabeth Bennet? James Bond? None of the above. It’s Aunt May Parker, played by Oscar nominee Rosemary Harris (Tobey Maguire’s three movies, though I admit no one likes to acknowledge his third), Oscar winner Sally Field (Andrew Garfield’s two movies, though I admit no one likes to acknowledge either), and Oscar winner Marisa Tomei (Tom Holland’s two movies to date, though Captain America: Civil War was a cameo and Spider-Man: Homecoming doesn’t open till Friday). The lovely Tomei is the first to make me consider leaving my wife for Aunt May, though I’ll have to get in line: In the newspaper Spider-Man strip which supplies The Comics Curmudgeon so much material, the Mole Man is pestering her to marry him again.

But does he use Premiere Pro or Final Cut Pro?

Apparently the president of the United States posted a doctored Wrestlemania video showing him body-slamming and punching a guy whose head was replaced with the CNN logo. Predictable reactions include the observation that the man has utterly lost it, is deranged, unhinged, a pitiable nut job, and that encouraging violence against journalists is the sign of a tinpot dictator, every bit as un-American as burning the flag or crapping on the Constitution. I have both reactions, plus sheer baffled wonderment: He has time for this? Presumably some lackey did the actual video editing, but POTUS had to come up with the idea, describe the wrestling video to be fetched from the archives and what he wanted done to it, and approve and post the results. He had nothing better to do. With his own actions, he makes himself a goddamn poster boy for the 25th Amendment.

Update: Mock Paper Scissors reports the origin of the video (outside the White House) and the definitive comment thereon, from Steve M. of No More Mr. Nice Blog: “Leader of Free World Tweets Video Posted by Reddit User HanAssholeSolo.” Can we get a lawsuit from Lucasfilm?

Of windfalls and watches

The Wells Fargo wagon is a-comin’ down the street. Or at least I got an email from Wells Fargo telling me a statement was available online, which intrigued me because I had no recollection of having any accounts with the repentant fraudsters (a credit card and our mortgage from our former life in Connecticut both being defunct). Turns out I have a SEP IRA with the bank which I’d forgotten about, which is not enough to retire on but is enough to buy the cream-colored retro Shinola Guardian watch I’ve been lusting after. All I have to do is wait till age 70½ and it’s all mine, and maybe even the yellow Pontiac Aztek of my dreams too.