An ABC book to go with his coloring book

The Orange Occupation is furious that civil rights icon Rep. John Lewis simply spoke the truth, that Putin’s puppet is an illegitimate president. He’s also an appalling, boorish, corrupt, degenerate, ethics-free, fraudulent, grotesque, horrid, juvenile, kakistocratic, lecherous, moronic, noxious, obtuse, polluted, questionable, reprobate, sleazy, treasonable, unqualified, venal, warped, xenophobic, yellow, and zaftig one.

Some words in the list are more accurate than others (is it “treasonable” or “treasonous”?). Suggestions for improvement are welcome in the comments.

Nectar of the gods

I have two or three Diet Cokes per day, which represents cutting back from five not long ago. It also represents switching from Diet Pepsi, which I preferred until they changed the recipe to remove aspartame for some silly reasons about it causing cancer and depression and whatnot. Sales dropped bigly because the new formula tasted like Tab. With customers all but marching on PepsiCo headquarters (“We want cancer! We want depression!”), the company yielded and reintroduced what’s now called Classic Sweetener Blend Diet Pepsi — Pepsi Max, by the way, is now Pepsi Zero Sugar, they’re just renaming and tinkering maniacs while Coke sails serenely on — so now I have two beverage choices.

Of course, no one believes any more that drinking diet soda will actually help you lose weight. That was decades ago, when Diet Rite was running commercials with the jingle of the day:

What have you got to lose?
What have you got to lose?
Maybe you’ve got an inch, a pinch, a flinch or a pound or two
Diet Rite’s the number one, got the taste that’s cola true
What have you got to lose?

The taste of Fresca, meanwhile, was a blizzard.

Don’t cry for me, USA

The phrase “Banana Republicans” predates Raging Boor, but Juan Cole does a good job of showing why his “press conference” showed all the signs of a tin-pot dictator.

In other news, Senator Leahy had to pound the Attorney General-designate repeatedly to get an admission that grabbing a woman by the crotch is sexual assault, and said designate declared that four cases during the 2016 election constitute widespread voter fraud, the GOP’s reason of choice to dismantle voting rights. And damn it, I just thought of Raging Boor and Google says at least one pundit beat me to it.

Not just ignorant, corrupt and ignorant

Another blog I want to quote all the time is First Draft, where Adrastos sums it up:

The change from Obama to Trump may be the wildest Presidential personality change the nation has experienced since the extroverted lightweight Warren Gamaliel Harding succeeded the austere intellectual Woodrow Wilson. Harding, however, was a nice man who knew he was in over his head. The next occupant of the Oval Office is an asshole who thinks he knows everything when, in fact, he knows nothing.

Adrastos also points to The Book Bond, which is an even better source of 007 cover art than the site I’d been using, Piz Gloria, although I’m still jealous of my ex-boss who had a book of rare Bond images such as Roger Moore standing back to back with the Michelin Man.

My theme song, part 1

My life changed one day in the ’80s at a family gathering at Mom and Dad’s in Sunapee, New Hampshire. My nieces Liddy and Sarah Mary were still in single digits then and had brought along their latest VHS tape, the 1983 production of The Care Bears in the Land Without Feelings. They watched it avidly, while I sat bored with the icky lessons about making friends and sharing your feelings. But suddenly I was as enraptured as they:

The Care Bears are such a bunch of smarmy charms you naturally root for the villain, and theirs blows away other cartoon bad guys like Gargamel and Murky Dismal (okay, Skeletor comes close). It’s no wonder I’d found my anthem. Everyone goes gaga for those meteorological puppets the Heat Miser and Snow Miser, but they can’t hold a c – c – candle to Professor Coldheart.

Not narcissistic, psychotic

“I did not mock the disabled reporter.” The whole world saw him mock the disabled reporter. It’s on video.

“Thousands of U.S. Muslims cheered and celebrated on 9/11.” No one else in the world saw American Muslims celebrate on 9/11. There is no video.

But Nixon was at least smart enough to understand why so many honorable, patriotic American citizens despised him. He was a Liar. The truth was not in him.

— Hunter S. Thompson

I knew a compulsive liar once. More than anything else, he was like the character Topper in the Dilbert comic strips: If you went to a particular college, he went there too and was valedictorian. If you wore size 12 shoes, he wore size 14. If you had self-esteem, he was egomaniacal. If you told an occasional fib, he was incapable of telling the truth.

And he was a God-fearing Amish elder compared to the mentally ill man moving into the Oval Office.

Name, rank, and serial number

What is it with carpet and flooring vendors’ skimpy version of the venerable tradition of commercial jingles? It seems all they do is repeat their name and phone number. I spent the last 20 years seeing and hearing

1-800-588-2300, Empire (Today!)

Now, since moving to Boston, the TV constantly assaults me with

877-241 (beep beep beep beep!) LUNA

This minimalist approach is the inverse of the poetry I celebrate in this blog’s occasional jingle of the day. About the only thing worse would be just telling you the name of the company …

We are Farmers!
Bum da-bum bum bum bum bum!

Absurd. If you want to play that game, Homer Simpson did it better when he had a snow plowing business:

Call Mr. Plow, that’s my name,
That name again is Mr. Plow!